Struggling with stuff

Physical Evidence of potential future as a Hoarder who may die alone and not be discovered for weeks, when a pile of yarn falls on me and smooshes me to death.....

I have enough stuff. Seriously. And now with a little one scheduled to arrive this summer the husband, child and I will be taken over by the BABY'S (henceforth referred to by his/her fetal name "Al") MASSIVE AMOUNT OF STUFF. (Our grandmothers' made due with a dresser drawer and cloth diapers.....sometimes I wonder why we don't do the same, but that's a rant for another time.) I live in constant fear of becoming a hoarder and watch the hoarding shows on television just to scare myself (temporarily) straight.



Months ago when I was on the other side of the world, dragging around my M4 and getting four hours of sleep a night, I had no spare time to think and thus kept my spending habits well under control. And while I would not want to go back to that life, I do have to say there is something to be said for not having constant access to anything I could possibly want as well as constant access to means to indebt myself for it. But now that I'm back on the right side of the world and have to time to read once again, I keep coming across things I don't need, but desperately want. (First World Problems much?)

Some of this I know stems from the months of "deprivation," that comes from being stationed in a war zone and my adjustment back to life in the states. But I really want to try to become more independent financially. To me, that means not being fixated upon having stuff, or rather new stuff. This is incredibly difficult for me because I grew up incredibly poor (mustard sandwiches for lunch and a home heated by a wood stove poor) and as a parent, I've now overcompensated, constantly buying toys and clothes for the man child when he is already more than well stocked with both.

All of this is such a waste of money and has led to credit card debt. I abhor credit card debt because it's usually so absurd. That 29% interest I'm paying to Citi could be going to a real charity that does real work for good, or toward man-child's college education. Instead because of my own stupidity it goes to the corporation smart enough to play off my weaknesses.

I recently did a small five card spread about my issues with debt and money.....as you can see from my quick one word association with the cards, it's not all sunshine and roses.

6 of Wands Arrogance
2 of Pentacles Balance
5 of Pentacles Hard times
3 of Swords Being Let down
10 of Wands Struggle


Basically my cards confirmed my past and are warning me that the future is not any easier. I think it's important though to look for the positive side of things when the Tarot tells it like it is (as it has done here), instead of being frustrated that it didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. Unless I win the lottery tomorrow (which wouldn't happen, since I don't play) breaking these bad habits that got me into this mess is not going to be an overnight process. Fixing the mess that I've created isn't going to be easy either. The ten of wands, even with it's message of hardship and struggle, is not all doom and gloom. Yes, the figure struggles to carry his load, but he is doing it....he has not given up or fallen to the ground. He will eventually make it....and so will I.

There is that cliche that goes "when life hands you lemons, make lemonaide." But honestly you don't always have sugar and a pitcher of water laying around. Sometimes you just have to stuff those lemons in your pockets and carry on.