Relationships are hard

Relationships are hard.  I totally get that.  In fact I live that.  Not a day goes by that I don't fight yet another battle in the eternal struggle to get the man I married to put his socks in the hamper. Unfortunately, according to my completely scientific study based entirely my Face Book news feed, people are completely delusional about relationships.  Why do I believe this?  Basically because my feed looks like this:

.....and write you crappy poetry.

And this:

Especially when he drives a POS car and doesn't have enough money for a shirt with button holes.

This is just a tiny sample of the things I see on my feed EVERY DAY.  And least you think I have a plethora of young woman on my friends list, let me tell you, both of these were posted by woman my age (early 30's) and older.  I suppose "hope springs eternal" but does it have to spring naively?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on love and romance.  But relationships are messy.  Compromise is not romantic.  The amount of work necessary for a relationship to grow and weather the storms the universe is going to send your way is ridiculously enormous. 

Your partner is going to disappoint you a lot.  Unless you marry Ryan Gosling.

 
The Tarot totally gets this too. No where will you see romantic love in the traditional Tarot imagery.  It's just not there.  Even The Lovers card is devoid of romantic love.

If Adam could get over Eve getting them kicked out of the Garden, you can forgive your partner for clipping his toenails in front of the TV.

Even for those who didn't grow up in the Judea-Christian religious traditions it'd be pretty easy to tell that things aren't going well in this picture.  Both the man and woman are separated from each other, with a snake lurking just over the woman's shoulder.  Why use this image instead of something more romantic or passionate?  I think it boils down to this:  the story of the Garden of Eden is the story of the greatest f-up in history.  No matter what has happened since, no one's significant other has made a mistake quite nearly as bad as Eve did (we can go into the implications of it being the woman who committed the act and it's affect on society for eternity, but that's another post for another time).  If Adam could get over Eve getting them kicked out of the Garden, you can forgive your partner for clipping his toenails in front of the TV. 

The Lovers card also stands to remind us that no one, no relationship, no love is perfect.  Each will see it's own trials.  In the end, all great loves are continuous love stories, not happily-ever-afters complete with rides into the sunset.  With work, true love continually grows, changes, and becomes stronger. 

Taking the first step

I am having major writer's block in my offline life, hopefully I don't find it spilling into this one as well.  It's been a long, long summer and I'm glad that it is finally coming to an end for me because that means I can come back to my real life and finally escape the stressful hair-and-sleep-loss environment of my current schooling program (well at least until January).

It's been a long summer full of struggles.  I've been away from my sweet kiddos and husband for most of the summer, surviving off of pictures and videos and a daily Face Time call back to the baby and weekly one to the boy.  I've spent the summer wrestling with my future in a way that even the Tarot couldn't help.

I hate indecisiveness and often act way before I've considered all of my options, so this constant state of uncertainty as to which path I should take has been driving me crazy, to say the least.  I completely underestimated the impact leaving the military would make on me after almost nine years and how hanging onto bits of that world would make moving on even more difficult.  I admire people who can cut off things completely and now see the wisdom in that.

I spent the summer bouncing from idea to another, afraid to go back to what I know to be my true calling.  I know I'm not the only person out there who ignores the obvious for one (or a million) reasons.  I had good reasons, I'm sure, but sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and hope that you understood what the universe was trying to convey.

Journaling

I really want to start journaling.  I really, really like the idea of it.  In my head, the idea of writing my innermost thoughts and feelings on a page of paper seems so--I don't know--relaxing and literary.  I imagine the worlds greatest thinkers must have written in journals. In my head, I can see myself sitting at a beautiful desk (that I don't own and probably won't until the kids are old enough not to destroy it), writing in beautiful handwriting (my own handwriting is chicken scratch) in a beautiful leather bound book that my children will treasure long after my death.

Okay, I know that I'm probably seriously over-romanticizing it, but getting things out of my system and onto a page does seem like an incredibly helpful tool for goal setting and just general mental well being.  But to be honest, I have an incredibly difficult time journaling.  Maybe you do to.  Personally there seems to be a million (neurotic) little reasons why I don't journal:

1.  I don't want to write in the really pretty book I've picked to be my journal, but practical notebooks don't seem worthy of being a journal.
2.  I really want to write my true feelings down but I don't want someone else to read them.
3.  I get started and write daily, then forget for a few days and by the time I remember I feel incredibly guilty and give up.
4.  Who is going to burn these journals if I die?
5.  If someone does read this, I want them to think I'm a fabulous writer, so I spend more time editing my thoughts than getting them down on paper.
6.  I can't write fast enough.
7.  Seriously, I can't write in that really pretty notebook, in fact I'm just going to put it with the other empty notebooks on the shelf.
8.  I can barely read my own handwriting.
9.  What do I do on the days when my schedule consisted of keeping the kids alive and doing laundry?
10. Do I really want my kids reading this 50 years from now?

If I've come up with 10 reasons, I'm sure many of you have as well.  I finally had to give up the idea of a traditional journal.  Something that works for one person (writing a regular account of their feeling and actions) does not work for all. Traditional journaling did not work for me at all. Journaling can be a good tool for self discovery, but only if it works for you.  It shouldn't make you feel guilty or kick your OCD into overdrive.

If you are interested in journaling, it's important to pick a format that works for you.  I write poems.  It doesn't happen every day, but it happens enough that I can come up with several a month.  Poems work for me because I can work on them over time and edit, edit, edit.  I don't ever have to force myself to sit down and I don't ever feel guilty about not writing them. 

Find something you enjoy and use it as a tool for recording your thoughts and emotions.  Here are a couple of alternatives to traditional journaling for you to consider:

1.  Sketching or painting.  Like poetry, this can be done when the mood strikes you.  You can choose a special book or keep a portfolio where you keep your drawings.  If you like the idea of having a book, but don't want to be restricted to the same paper size, consider scanning your finished work and creating a book through one of the many photography websites such as MPIX, Shuttefly, or Snapfish.

2.  Electronic journaling.  Many people can go a whole day not picking up a pen, but find themselves in front of a screen several times a day.  If that is you, why not move your journaling efforts to your computer or smartphone?  Your laptop or home computer is the perfect place to keep a journal--whether it's a simple word document or even an online blog.  And if you're like me and attached to your phone, there are tons of journaling apps, both free and paid, available on both IPhone and Droid devices.    One of my favorites is an app called "My Wonderful Days" which is available in light (free) and full (paid) versions. 

3.  Scrapbooks.  Maybe you aren't super crafty or up for buying into tons of supplies, but scrapbooks don't have to be the complicated, expensive, time-consuming project they have become.  Long before the intricate books of today, our grandmothers kept simple scrapbooks, full of bits and pieces of their lives--photos, newspaper clippings, programs, etc.  They didn't need ribbons or cut out shapes on printed papers--a simple ticket stub, photo or other memento pasted onto a page, with a few words written to the side worked well then and still can be a good way to get out the emotions associated with an event.

4.  Catchers.  Sometimes an idea hits at an inconvenient time.  I know that I personally often times find myself mulling over things as I'm stuck in standstill traffic, waiting for the kid to get out of school or in line at the bank.  For people like this, I suggest carrying around a little spiral notebook or note cards and writing when the mood strikes.  The slips of paper can be organized in a small filing box (if they are uniform in size) or if you're one to write on receipts and post it notes, consider sticking them in plastic paper protectors or scanning them to your computer to keep a chronological record.


In the end, how you journal isn't important.  Save yourself the angst and give up the image in your head of journaling and just do it.  Any journal that helps you work out your emotions and grow is a valid journal--make it work for you, don't work for your journal.

Ace of Pentacles: Cautiously Optimisitic

I rarely read for myself.  People often come to the Tarot because the emotion of a situation is too much:  Tarot readers are no exception.  When I read for myself this emotion leaks into the reading and I often just find myself with a mirror of my own emotional state as opposed to actual guidance.  But I thought I'd try today, as it's been a trying week and this has been the first day where I felt that my emotional "leveler" has finally reached the point where the bubble has found its way to the middle.  So I sat down and with the baby babbling and blowing raspberries (an excellent way to clear the mind, let me tell you) in the background, I shuffled the deck and drew my card.  I pulled the Ace of Pentacles.

The Ace of Pentacles was an interesting choice.  The suite of Pentacles deals with money and material matters.  It was strangely relevant because I am feeling very directionless these days.  I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  More importantly, like lots of people these days, I've found myself in the middle of a frustrating and fruitless job search.  It has been a serious blow to my ego because I've been continuously employed since I was 19.  I think I've been working and earning money so long, that it became an integral part of my identity.   As my search has dragged on, I've been the subject of so much "helpful" advice and "encouragement." There are people out there who will ply you with inspirational quotes, religious messages, etc when you find yourself in a difficult life situation, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes trying circumstances like these are lessons but just as likely they are sometimes just trying circumstances.  Crappy things happen to everyone. 

When you find yourself drawing an Ace Card in the Tarot, you can know certain things without even knowing it's meaning:  1) You are facing beginnings, seeds being planted, new things on the horizon, new possibilities.  2)  You should focus on the main theme of the suit as the Ace is often the epitome of these ideas.  Today's message is clear:  focus on the practical, the material.  The seeds have been planted--you just have to look for them.  If this is you and you too are going through an exhausting search for work, I encourage you to look for those seeds.  They are there.  Every crappy situation is NOT a lesson from the universe, but something can be learned from every crappy situation.  Blessings!

Three Important Aspects of your Tarot Ritual

When you hear the word "ritual" what comes to mind?  Secret, dark ceremonies performed in a forest?  Sacrificial rites performed by a cult?  Voodoo spells?  A great many people find the word off-putting, but ritual is highly important to a good reading.

The wonderful thing about your Tarot ritual is that it can be whatever you want it to be as long as it helps you clear your mind for the reading(s) ahead.  An unclear, emotional mind will definitely muddle a reading--bits and pieces of you and your own situation will leak through and affect the cards.  As you grow as a reader, you'll see this and begin to recognize it more readily.  It's one main reason that I read my cards so infrequently....it's really hard for me to approach what bugs me with a clear, neurtral mind.

When creating your ritual, you'll want to think about the following:

1.  Space:  We don't always have the luxury of dedicated spaces for our Tarot, but finding a quiet, calm spot away from the noise and distraction of electronics and family is important.  Once you've found your spot, try to do your readings there when ever possible.

2.  Preparation:  There are many ways to prepare for a reading.  You could find a special cloth you like to spread out to lay the cards on.  You could also light a candle.  Perhaps you could say a prayer, meditate or imagine positive energy filling the space around you.  The important thing is to approach the cards with a clear mind.

3.  The Cards:  Shuffling may seem like a minor detail, but I have always felt it was key to a good reading.  If I'm reading for another person and they are in front of me, I usually let them shuffle.  I start my readings by pulling a signifier out of the deck to represent the person, then I lay them all out on the cloth face down, mixing them up as much as possible and trying to touch every card.  I then divide the deck into thirds, placing the 2nd or middle third on top.  This is just an example--you will want to develop a certain way you like to mix up the cards that feels right to you.

The key to a good ritual is clarity.  Anything positive that gets you to a place where you can approach the Tarot with a calm, clear mind is definitely worth considering including in your ritual. Put your own personal touch on your ritual and it will work well for you.

Slacking

Seriously slacking here in so many ways......see that side bar on the left?  I have made no new hats since the 6th.  I'm going to have to mail them from Georgia when ever we get there.  I've "half-assed" organizing the house all day and spent all day yesterday crocheting instead of doing anything remotely productive.  The movers come Friday.  Time's a ticking and here I sit on my backside surrounded by the mess of decluttering.  I am crazy.

Random Review Friday: 52 Mondays: The One Year Path to Outrageous Success and Lifelong Happiness

 

I have a love-hate relationship with a lot of self help books and programs out there.  Vic Johnson's book, however, completely surprised me in a very pleasant way.   I read it today while I was dying on the elliptical, having come across it awhile back on the 'ol Kindle.  While I'm not sure he truly introduces anything new (the basic message is:  Get off your butt if you want to accomplish anything) his approach is definitely new and falls more on the pragmatic side.

The book is, as you can imagine, broken down into 52 different sections, one for each Monday in a year.  Each chapter builds upon the last so you get a little reminder of what your lesson for the previous week was.  There is a lot of what you'd expect from a self help book--positive encouragement, anecdotes from famous and wealthy, inspirational quotes--without all of the nonsense a lot of authors try to sell about our desires and wishes being enough to attract great things.  

Don't get me wrong....I strongly believe that our energy and thoughts have a significant affect on our lives, but wishing all day to be rich isn't going to get you there.  This is where "52 Mondays" is different.  It's angle is to get you up and going and keep you in motion as you work towards your goal.  

I know it's nearly the end of January, but it's not too late to start implementing these ideas into your own life.  In fact what better time than now as those all around you give up on all of those New Year's resolutions.  Here's a way to help you stay strong throughout the year.